Liar, Liar - Pants On Fire!

What’s one of the first ‘rules’ you remember your parents teaching you?

Don’t lie. Tell the truth. Be honest. You might hear, "Liar, liar – pants on fire!"

What’s one of the first things you remember trying to teach your toddler once those words started forming?

Don’t lie. Tell the truth. Be honest.

We praise our children for telling the truth. We praise them when they’re honest about what they’d done in school to get into trouble.  We ask, “who left that trash outside?” We expect the truth, but feel most times that we don’t get it.

Are you always honest? Tell the truth. That’s what I thought.

Questions that we sometimes answer honestly, and sometimes dishonestly;

“Do these jeans make me look fat?”

“Doesn’t my hair look great?”

“Wasn’t supper good?”

Why aren’t we honest more often? We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or make them angry with us.  When we ask someone a question, do we really want the truth or are we fishing for a compliment?

One night, after my son hadn’t eaten as much for dinner as I’d expected him to, I figured he didn’t like the meal, so I asked him, “is there anything that I cook for you that you crave or look forward to eating?”

There are a few choices I thought he might mention or that I’d hoped he would mention.

Those few seconds were the longest I’d experienced in a very long time.

He finally said, “no. I can’t think of anything.”

As soon as I'd recovered from the blow to my motherhood and chefhood, and before I let my feelings get hurt, I reminded myself that he was being honest. What more could I ask? 

But ... I might have to teach him about fine lines soon …

Ambien and the Z's

I’ve always had trouble sleeping. My first memory of this is nap time as a 4 and 5 year old. My sister and I had bunk beds. Since I was the older of us, I got the bottom bunk. I remember laying there for what seemed hour after hour looking at the images of old newspaper clippings that was the pattern on the material of the bottom of her mattress. I can still see the images of old steam ships and train engines with newspaper type. I don’t remember ever sleeping during naptime. I knew even then that it was safer to keep quiet and wait for Mom to come “wake” us up. My little sister tried to help me, telling me, “just close your eyes really tight and then you can see movies in your head.” She got so frustrated with me when I couldn’t see the movies in my head.

In college, my hours sleeping during the night had dwindled to 4 or 5. Which was fine, I was up late and had to be up early for class. Soon after that my son was born and I never knew how long I could sleep straight through.

I normally get 3 or 4 hours of sleep now. I’m used to it. Some doctors have asked if I get tired during the day or take naps. My answer is always, “no. I don’t get tired and I don’t nap”.

That just doesn’t seem right.

A few years ago, during a doctor’s visit we touched on my sleeping habit/problem. This doctor wanted me to try something called Ambien.

Wow! When I took a 10mg Ambien, I slept 8 hours straight! No tossing, turning, flipping the pillow, trip to the bathroom or turning on the TV after giving up on going back to sleep. It was my miracle drug!

I’ve talked to people that have experienced very strange things when taking Ambien. Raiding the refrigerator in the middle of the night or sleepwalking then waking up in strange places like the living room or out by their pools. I had no experiences like that.

Last year, I started reading a book by Stephen King called “From A Buick 8”. I was also walking in a park at the time, so I purchased the audio book to get a constant stream of Stephen King no matter what I was doing.

I mentioned that I watch TV at night when I can’t sleep. This has become a lot easier now with my iPad and Netflix. My iPad is right by me and will shut off automatically after a period of time. I don’t have to set the sleep timer on my TV anymore!

One morning I woke up, and as usual, I check my email. That morning, I received an email from Amazon.com thanking me for my purchase of “From A Buick 8” for my kindle app.

I don’t remember logging on to amazon.com let alone browsing for that book and then buying it!

Thank you, Ambien!

They Hear You But Are They Listening?

When I was very young and a passenger in a car, I remember listening to the driver explain things as he drove,

“Slow down for railroad tracks and check for trains even if the bar isn’t down,”

“Take turns a bit slower, even if you need to go slower than the recommended speed,”

“Rain makes oil rise to the surface, so roads are slippery after a rain,”

“Don’t drive too close to another car, there may not be time to brake if you need to,”

"Never assume you know what a young kid is going to do, they could fall into your path, or dart out after a ball,"

We’ve heard them all and more, we’ve even added our own. Driving is one of my favorite things to do and now that I have a teenage driver in the household, I realize it’s the scariest and most dangerous thing he’s ever done. I would rank this up there with how scary it was to watch him skateboard.  I was proud that he was courageous enough (stupid enough?) to drop into that cement bowl, but scared to death that we’d be making a trip soon to an emergency room with a broken bone or two.

I’ve been letting him drive around town since he acquired his learner’s permit and I admit, he’s an excellent driver. Of course, he still needs to give those curbs a little more respect,  learn that lines in a parking lot really are there for a reason and to SLOW DOWN!

The other day, we were headed to the State Trooper’s site to get his intermediate license. This involves the driving portion of the ceremonious event. I have heard several times over the last few months, “I’ve been waiting to do this MY ENTIRE LIFE,” and I have to laugh, he’s telling the truth!

He was driving well, signaling, going slowly and not driving too closely to those mailboxes that seem to loom into the lane if you’re seeing them as a passenger or mother of a teenage driver. My grip on the arm rest still tight and my “brake foot” still pressed firmly to the floorboard, I compliment his ability.

Stoplight. 

We’re first to go when the time comes. We will be going forward and the left turn lane on our side will get the green arrow first. Typically, the oncoming turn lane will get the same green arrow, so we will be waiting a bit longer. These are the thoughts we have without realizing them and I’ve been trying to tell my son this. There are so many things to think about while driving and we do it all the time without voicing them or even acknowledging them at times. This is why we shouldn’t talk on the phone, text, have the music up too loud, wear headphones, have distractions in the car like other teenagers or kids  playing with toys or other items that might roll under the driver’s feet. (That’s another story!) When mentioning these examples to a teenager, an eye roll or numb head nod is appropriate, we’ve all been there, but they don’t mean anything until you experience them for yourself. Experience.

Stoplight. 

Green arrow for the cars turning left and two solid green lights for our two lanes. That’s odd.

I have always said, “when a light turns green, wait a second, look again, there’s going to be some idiot not paying attention or thinking he can make it through the light,” eye roll, numb head nod.

My son indeed waited another second. Sure enough, the car in the oncoming turn lane assumed they had a green arrow and drove into the intersection, making its turn. The driver was talking with her hands to the other two passengers in her car.

He had been listening!

Others are watching and listening to you ...

Yesterday, a customer came in on his cell phone. His tone of voice was condescending but I couldn't understand exactly what he was saying at that time. He kept looking my way so I knew he would be approaching soon.  I stayed “busy” not looking in his direction, waiting for him to finish up his phone call. Then I started understanding what he was saying …

“What do you mean, you haven’t emailed it?” pause “Are you telling me you don’t know how to send an email?” pause. “Just send the thing, if you think you can!” 

I figured this guy was obviously under the impression he was more important than the person he was speaking with and assumed it was his secretary or someone employed by him.

(Directed at me) “What’s your email address here?” I pointed to the row of business cards of mine and other associates that work in this department. His question, “Which one?” I explain that there are different names on the cards, but the email address is the same.”

“AMANDA?”

“it doesn’t matter—we only use one email account.”

“WHICH ONE DO I USE?”

“Any of them—they're all the same.” I walk away, hoping this will help him figure it out on his own. Besides, our pictures are above our business cards and I’m pretty sure Amanda and I do not even resemble each other!

As this phone call was ending, another customer approached me and I was working on his order, and I received a phone call. This wasn’t acceptable to Mr Grumpy and he raised his voice to me.  

Again, he interrupts me and another customer, “you can check your email now—it should be there.”

“Okay, I’ll get right to it when I finish this.” (another phone call before I could get to the computer)

“Well, I’m in a hurry so check your email.” I pretend not to hear him over the obvious roar of the copy machine.

Am I a bit stubborn? Yes. I get so sick of people treating others in service jobs as if they’re unimportant, dumb and only a convenience. 

This guy was getting on my nerves and it started with his tone on the phone and his disrespect for the person on the other end.

I checked the email, asked pertinent questions about the order, then I actually read the document. As I’m reading the front page of this pamphlet, he tells me that his wife had sent the email and he hoped she’d done it right.

HIS WIFE!

He had been talking to his wife. His pamphlet was a document he was hoping to get published for a religious group. He was meeting with a committee to get approval.

I wished him luck and he left. He did come back later to get more prints of it and was nice.

I feel sorry for his wife.

Church - unexpected place of adrenaline rush!

I attend a small community church when I can - it's not as often as I'd like but I always enjoy being there. It's a church that I've been involved with off and on since I was in the third grade when my grandparents moved to Sugar Grove. During the summers, my sister and I would attend vacation bible school there, various get-togethers and other events.

I remember at first, the outhouses just outside incase the need came about. Those are the first outhouses that I remember seeing (and using).

Over the years, the church has gone through it's share of age, wear and tear, vandalism and effects of weather damage. It's been rebuilt, added to and modernized! The outhouses have been upgraded to indoor plumbing, thankfully!

Which brings me to today's experience at the Sugar Grove Assembly of God....

Right after Sunday School, I had to visit the powder room, which is inside one of the Sunday School classrooms. Small church, small restroom, no sound privacy. I finish and flush, wash my hands and notice that water is filling up in the bowl. I watch it, holding my breath, "oh God, please let it go down, please let it go down...." I'm praying, in the bathroom at church. I'm sure Brother Tom would have been proud. (they could probably hear me outside!)

Still filling up the bowl. I notice the plunger next to the stool, and grab it. "Please don't let it overflow -" I'm nearly chanting this to myself, rhythmically.

Of course, the bottom of the bowl isn't exactly smooth so the plunger didn't form a good seal, and was almost useless. I tried to improvise.

By this time, I realize that the water is still flowing from the tank. That should have stopped minutes ago. I put the plunger down, and remove the tank lid. Sure enough, the flapper is still all the way up. I force that down ... and go back to plunging, or going through the motion of plunging.

"Dear God, please don't let this overflow ..." the water stopped rising, the water filled in the tank and shut off, and I breathed a small sigh of relief. I plunge a bit more and heard gurgling and "whew". Disaster thwarted!

I wash my hands again, straighten myself up, replace the tank lid and step outside like nothing went wrong.

Did I mention this was a small church? I think I missed the offering, but all was quiet and at a pause until I took my seat.

They were waiting for me .... hilarious!

So glad for my time put in at Wiggins Hardware! It's come to my rescue countless times!

Grandma has a good memory (and sense of humor!)

A long time ago, I lived on a little island called Maui. I'd lived there a while and I missed things from home. Some foods and other things available in stores on the mainland that weren't in Hawaii. There were weird things to get used to, such as, being able to order Spam and rice at McDonald's with your Big Breakfast. WEIRD!

I'd gotten a bit homesick - it was worse around the holidays. I missed the Christmas Eve parties with family and the snack food I loved.

One Christmas, I'd gotten  box from my grandmother. I opened the wrapping and it was a Cracker Barrel box. I just KNEW it would have crackers, cheese and sausage! I couldn't wait! My mouth was watering as I opened the box.

I felt like Ralphie opening the bunny suit - inside the box was a Christmas tree. Don't get me wrong! It was beautiful, but it wasn't crackers and cheese. 

I told G'ma later about my disappointment. Since then at Christmas, I get a pretty good supply of sausage, crackers and cheese! I must have been REAL good this year, I also got a jar of spicy mustard and a spreader! WOOO HOOO!

THANK YOU, GRANDMA!

Do you know who your customers are?

I don't!

I find myself treating them all the same. If they look like they can take a bit of teasing, I do it. I learned a long time ago working in a small town hardware store, that most people like the person that's helping them to show a little personality, talk and joke around. Of course, there are the few customers that are there for what they need and nothing extra. I admit to being that customer many times myself.

Today, I was extremely busy. More so than I usually complain about. Normally, when I am that busy, my sense of humor goes and hides under a desk where it's safe, but today I felt feisty.

I was finishing a transaction with one customer and we're chatting while the computer communicates with the satellite and that info bounces off whatever it bounces off and then finally comes home, then we wait for the receipt to print. While this is all taking place, Customer #2 followed by 3 other people move in behind Customer #1. Neither of these customers know about Customer #3 who dropped off things and was walking around the store waiting for me to finish.

Customer #2 says loudly, "Hi, Chris! I need some copies!"
This shocked me because I am obviously not finished with Customer #1, so I look at Customer #2 and say, "I'll be right with you as soon as I finish with this customer." I get a smile and nod, Customer #2 turns to the pack and continues talking. Every member of the pack is wearing a ball cap with a specific company logo on it, so I figured out they were all together.

Customer #1 and I exchange some raised eyebrow expressions and a giggle.

Finally, I give Customer #2 my attention, after I work on some of Customer #3's papers.

Okay, back to Customer #2 - "What can I do for you?"
blah blah blah - needs 50 copies stapled - yeah, okay, "these originals look like they've been under the seat in your car. Do you want me to try to make them look better or are you okay with this?"

I get a shocked look and she turns to her group and says, "why do I always get a hard time in Fort Smith?" She then tells me she's going to email a file and needs prints of that.

I kid around with her some more and she says, "why am I getting such a hard time?"

"I don't treat all my customers this way, only those that like it."
"How do you know I like it?"
"You're laughing and you haven't asked for my manager or the phone number for the corporate office."
That got a laugh and instantly we're good friends.

I read the email that has the file I need to print ...

The signature is
Person's Name
Director of Area Operations

I laughed to myself and went to make more small talk while the copies were running. She asks if I know anyone looking for a job. I let her know that I'll send people her way if they ask. She turns to the pack and sends them away, turns back to me and says, "How do I get you to work for me?"

Not gonna happen - but getting the offer was kinda cool!
Lower pay, terrible hours and I really am not interested in working for that company.